A note on dealing with sadness 𓄼𓄹

... and a book that changed my outlook on life.

Nothing will gut me and empty me out quite as hard as my mother dying… but there was also a lot of residual grief that came with that, too. The grief of not knowing who the fuck you are outside of the confines of your family before you, the versions of yourself you constantly witness die & come back as something totally new and all the eras of your life where so much was unknown, like, what happens before birth and after death.

And honestly all the little things in between, like

Friendships. 

Jobs. 

Interests. 

Hobbies.

Safety. 

Coping mechanisms. 

A huge part of what you don’t see on the surface of someone is all of the intricate inner workings it takes to be human — the things that naturally come with being human. I was diagnosed with depression, severe anxiety and OCD in highschool, and after months of just thinking, “Oh I’m just a little uncomfy, everyone’s a little sad…” I come to find out that’s not “normal” at all and a lot of people actually struggle with being present for the daily shit, like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. Being prescribed medication at 17 where the side effects were almost worse than the symptoms was a scary road to navigate. I didn’t ease into the idea of meds until losing my mom… it’s been a cyclical journey… with a lot of therapy (thanks, Ron… forever). 

My whole point in sharing this is this:

You never ever ever know what someone’s carrying, what they’ve been through, or where they’re going. And if even on the surface they are cool, calm, and collected, it is not your place to judge or analyze where they’ve been, come from, or how they choose to cope.  

And also, it’s important to remember something one day just clicks — and it’s like all of the noise and traumatic things that happened now serve as the best possible groundwork you could ever have for self-betterment. Compassion. Realizing we are here for such a brief moment that it must be filled with joy, with empathy, and with love. And love as a verb, as an actionable item — NOT a feeling. 

Be gentle with yourself, with others, and with the human experience.

“With gorilla gone, will there be hope for man?”

One book I constantly refer back to, that absolutely altered my life, and that I’m considering reading again just to experience its philosophical insight all over, is Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. With the world being in the catastrophic place it’s in, this book has never felt more significant.

It’s one of those reads that leaves you feeling the entire weight of the human experience and recognize how deeply flawed and strayed it has become. This is a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ on the philosophical and enlightenment scale for me! Consider picking it up, trying the audio book, or if you’re really intrigued but don’t want to spend your hard earned cash on something you might utterly dislike, reply back to me & I’ll send you a copy. It’s that important to me…

What I’m watching 📺

I took a quick trip to Arizona this past weekend for my SIL’s 30th birthday… and that inspired me to catch a Nic Cage flick (he’s been my DUDE lately), Raising Arizona. Here’s the trailer:

And here’s a photo from Bell Rock Energy Vortex right as the sun came up 😎

8 minute meditation ☽

This is my go-to meditation when I don’t have time to meditate (which is an excuse, really) but it’s a great 8 minute guided meditation that you can pop on while you’re in the shower, on the subway, or just sitting next to your bed in the morning or before bed at night… I’m about to pop it on now. 😴

Last but not least, a poem…

If no one’s said it to you today, I love you. 🩶

alia